@DandyTruman
@UncleDuke1969 Trapped beneath the feet of a bearded giant…
Cut off from the world.
Stephen King & Pixar present:
“A BUG’S LIFE 3: UNDER THE GNOME”
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@UncleDuke1969 
@weinerdog4life Last Halloween I had to explain to everyone that I was not a ghost with a boner, but I was just a ghost and I happened to have a boner.
@BlondeCalamity My decision to have kids was based solely on the fact that I was so tired of seeing movies in their entirety & craved constant interruption.
@English_Channel me: *texting* I hate to leave this in a text, but due to the new variant, I’m not coming for the holidays
spouse: *walking in the room* Did you just leave me a text?
@SamGrittner People only want to do drugs named after women: Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy (in the Sky with Diamonds). No one wants to snort some Craig.
@shanethevein When she says she prefers the strong, silent type she means her vibrator.
@dadmann_walking accidentally called dragon ball Z pokemon and 8 talked to me for 5 hours on why I’m so wrong. Help.
@ilovecuredmeats Day three of MAN COLD. I feel death lurking. Its waiting for me to give up.
Stay strong! Think of the cat. He’ll eat you if you die.
@yourlovemuscle (Me,after returning from exam)
Mom: (Greeting) How was your paper?
Me: I wrote what I knew, I copied what I didn’t knew.
@dshack8 KiK? Nope. I only joke about divorce. I’m not committed to it actually happening.