@causticbob

I’ve been attending Acronym Anonymous meetings recently. Or as I like to call it AA.

I’m not making a lot of progress.

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@3sunzzz

*looking at a picture* Wow, you have beautiful children!

Thank you, they came with the frame.

@othersome

the waiter grinds me some pepper. “tell me when.” i never say ‘when’. the restaurant and the city fill with pepper. sky turns black w/ peppr

@dyldonot

Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed.

@TheAndrewNadeau

ME: So, where are the Hobbits?
GUIDE: Again, that’s Middle Earth. This is Central America.
ME: Ooh, right. *Whispers in fear* Orc territory.

@clifba

The voices in my head have been quiet for a while. They probably broke something.

@TheAlexNevil

4 said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7, and now I’m terrified to go into the bathroom.

@FrogAvalanche

*National Spelling Bee Final
– Spell cyclops.
– Use in a sentence.
– Cyclops have one eye.
*winks at audience
– C-E-Y-E-C-L-O-P-S.