
Did it bother anybody else that the guy from that “Operation” game was clearly wide awake?
License and registration please.
“Bears.”
Excuse me?
“Beaaaaars.”
Are you drunk sir?
“BEAAAARS!”
Stop saying bea-
*cop is mauled by bears*
Did it bother anybody else that the guy from that “Operation” game was clearly wide awake?
To understand the difference between Italians and Canadians all you need to know is two things. Italian sausage and Canadian bacon…
Dentist: Are you sensitive to hot or cold water?
Me: Yes, both
Dentist: okay, I’m just going to blast this industrial high velocity waterpik on your teeth then
Any t-shirt can be an ironic t-shirt if you hate things enough
It’s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you’ve reached your destination.
I just got a text saying they lost my cell number & could I send it. This is the level of stupid I deal with.
Friend is going bungee jumping so I told him he was born because of a broken rubber and he could die the same way. He didn’t laugh…
*wife & I finally look up from our phones after 9 months*
“Have you had the kid yet?”
-No
“Well, I’m level 77 on candy crush.”
Pigeons always look like they’re jamming out to an invisible iPod.
You don’t need a therapist when you have a strong support group around your barstool.