Me: I made GORP for our hike
Her: peanut m&ms and miniature marshmallows
Me: yeah, in handy single servings
Her: they’re gallon ziplock bags
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Am I…are we… is this a date? *elevator opens & he leaves*
Lice is the herpes of kindergarten.
I still can’t find a place with an alligator infested moat for under $2k/month, but I’m hopeful.
As soon as they heard the flush, my phone interview took a drastic turn.
8 asked if I had to choose between not having him or not having chocolate for a whole week what would I do and I said I couldn’t believe he’d even ask me that and then I packed a bag for him and said I’d see him in a week
I noticed you’re eating that bag of popcorn one piece at a time.
So how many people have you murdered?
Our system is shit. I’m 24 and only have two years left on my moms health insurance. Then, I have to find a new mother
Executioner: say your last words
Me: your last words
Executioner: I’m gonna enjoy this one
2/14/16 — The Day I Got Owned Online By 1-800-Flowers
GF: I’m breaking up with you
Me: *folding socks lengthwise* but why