publisher: tell me all about it
orwell: it’s about a farm
publisher: sounds good
orwell: with animals
orwell: and they’re fascists
publisher: of course
me: one more peep outta you & I’m turning this car around
child (pukes up Easter candy):
me: ok that’s it!
You Might Also Like
PATIENT: How tough was medical school for a dog like you?
DR DOG: *thinking back on all the homework he ate* It wasn’t easy
Dating advice: Don’t just tell her you have diarrhea, show her
Are “authorities” ever not ” baffled?”
Pretty sure HR is going to be paying me a visit, thanks to the CW that emailed to thank me for “all the services I provided them”.
*Picks up extra virgin olive oil. *smirks*
“Not for long my friend. Not for long.”
I used to think Pet Insurance was a waste of money but my cat is at the vets & they’ve sent us a really lovely little courtesy cat.
If I got arrested I’d ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
I keep a table cloth napkin and goggles under my bed in case someone beaks in and want to have a pie eating contest.
alien graffiti can be pretty hurtful 😔