@itsboleva my moms yelling at me bc idk her email password
@WritePlay ME: So are you gonna put it in me or what
NURSE: Sir it’s a blood draw please stop saying that
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@itsboleva 
@VerifiedDrunk I want my tombstone to read:
Don’t feel too bad, he really liked sleeping
@WilliamAder How Jesus was named:
Mary: Joseph, I’m having a baby.
Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!
@Darlainky {Stalker Diary}
Went through his trash.
He buys the generic Fruit Loops. I remain committed. I find his frugalness irresistible.
@ABurgerADay [Casting Meeting]
Director: Did we get Cruise?
Producer: Tom said he’ll do it if we get Willis.
Me: So we’re Cruise in for a Bruce in?
@NerishaLakha I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down……
inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
@innocent COME ON KRUSE #fencing
@KeetPotato [babies txting]
“my dad’s thumb just came off”
lol wtf 😂
“wait its back on again nvm”
ok lmao
“he just stole my nose”
im phoning the police
@ginnyhogan_ The problem with Netflix recommendations is they assume I “liked” a show just because I watched 13 hours of it
@GuyEndoreKaiser After he loses, everyone who supported Trump should have to spend a year on an island where he gets to make all the decisions.