my moms yelling at me bc idk her email password
ME: So are you gonna put it in me or what
NURSE: Sir it’s a blood draw please stop saying that
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I want my tombstone to read:
Don’t feel too bad, he really liked sleeping
How Jesus was named:
Mary: Joseph, I’m having a baby.
Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!
Went through his trash.
He buys the generic Fruit Loops. I remain committed. I find his frugalness irresistible.
Director: Did we get Cruise?
Producer: Tom said he’ll do it if we get Willis.
Me: So we’re Cruise in for a Bruce in?
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down……
inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
COME ON KRUSE #fencing
“my dad’s thumb just came off”
lol wtf 😂
“wait its back on again nvm”
“he just stole my nose”
im phoning the police
The problem with Netflix recommendations is they assume I “liked” a show just because I watched 13 hours of it
After he loses, everyone who supported Trump should have to spend a year on an island where he gets to make all the decisions.