@TVsCarlKinsella ALBUS: It’s a Time-Turner! We can travel back in time and change ANYTHING.
SNAPE: That’s amazing. We can save-
ALBUS: Nah, gave it to a kid.
@MrJeberling My grandfather just figured out what instagram is so now he says “#nofilter” after every casually racist comment he makes.
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@TVsCarlKinsella 
@kimmie_1980 I should start a wine company and name the bottles things like “don’t be sad” “he’s not worth it” “you deserve better”!
@Clanopath It’s only a problem if others know about it….
*Sweeps problems under rug*
@mrtruthandsoul *peeks under bathroom stall*
How’s the wifi signal in there?
@iMikosnyc Tonite on House Hunters: Jill wants 4 bedrooms, granite countertops and a home spa. Bob wants to be stabbed in the driveway.
@adult_mom Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means?
Me: We have to be quick!
*Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*
@JermHimselfish The eyes are the window to the soul which is why I’m throwing pebbles at your face.
@aimeevc1970 I am one “Mom!” away from making the 6 o’clock news.
@electrolemon To some, it’s known as “soda.” Some call it “pop.” Some even order it as “coke” or “cola.” The spicy bubble brown juice goes by many names
@st__arving BOB THE BUILDER: Can we fi-
MACGYVER: Done.