

My husband and I are bonding over how much we hate our marriage therapist, so I think it’s working?

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The Never Ending Story should’ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother

Watching a special
about climate change. Oh, wait.
This is a window.

In first grade when I’d tell my parents what I learned in class and they’d act amazed, I’d think “Shouldn’t you know this shit already?”

20 yr old mom: my child is my life I would give my own life for him
40 yr old mom: GET OFF THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW OR I WILL END YOU

A brightly-colored van drives slowly down our street. Kids gather excitedly. It is the Edible Arrangements truck. We are all betrayed.

Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

4-year-old: Can I have some floss?
Me: You’re too little
4: But I really, really need it
Me: Fine. *gives her floss*
4:*ties up Barbies*

I’ll take a Friday the 13th over a Monday the 13th every single time.

What is the appropriate age to tell your child that you’ve given up on them?