“Open the pod bay doors, Hal.”
“I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
“What’s the problem?”
“l think you know what the problem is just as well as l do.”
“Squirrels in the plasma propulsion system?”
“Again.”
“Dammit.”
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My lamps:
Every time you downvote a reply, Twitter releases a lion emoji to eat that user.
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CLARK KENT: but the glasses have been working fine
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my retirement plan is braless
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everyone: you lost money too?
billionaire: haha no i am somehow richer
Me: you tellin me a shrimp fried this rice lol
Benihana Chef: ha ha
Shrimp Under Chef’s Hat: he knows too much
Ask yourself, “do I like finding socks in every room of the house?” and if the answer is yes, unprotected sex is right for you.
Pigeon 1: I really have to go to the toilet mate.
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I’m starting to think YouTube hasn’t done a very good job of raising my children.
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😂😂😂😂😆😆😆🤗🤗😂😂
I showed up at Disney headquarters uninvited
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Me: your honor, this man wakes up an HOUR early so he can MAKE and EAT breakfast before work
Him: I-
Judge: THIS IS NOT YOUR TIME TO TALK YOU MONSTER
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Tired? Have a snack
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