[Gets on one knee]
[Pulls out ring]
Will you- will you please hide this, Gollum won’t stop following me.
ANGEL: bad jokes are not allowed in heaven
ANGEL: that means absolutely no puns
*clouds turn to fire*
You Might Also Like
Him: What gets you hot, baby?
Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent.
H: Zoinks, like, there’s a ghost! Let’s get out of here Scoob!
Idea for dieting: Fridges with mirrors.
Boss: Have I made myself clear?
Me: No, I can still see you.
Boss: Shakes head.
ME: [gently rolling her onto her side]
I don’t understand why they named it “sandpaper” when the obvious name “office toilet paper” was right there in front of them.
If confronted by a dinosaur while hiking, politely but firmly explain that it is extinct.
Went to get coffee for a coworker.
I effed up the order, but used it as a teaching opportunity to illustrate the dangers of outsourcing.
We must preserve our bookstores. There are so few places you can go to slide sideways on a ladder
Play The Bee Gees loudly several times a day from your home so that if you have to kill someone the sounds won’t be unusual.