@KrazykurtKurt
@Inferno_V “Don’t put your brother in the fridge” is something I never thought I’d say, yet here I am.
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@Inferno_V 
@Jmboyd58 When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread all over my bedroom…so my wife can clean up after me one more time.
@rorygneesmith If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it’s because no one else wanted them.
@JohnLyonTweets Me: It’s sweet how my cat sits on my chest to comfort me when I’m sick in bed.
Cat: I think I’ll eat the eyes first.
@velvettusk ♫ Is this the real life?
Are you a manatee?
Let’s beat up french fries
I should lay off the LSD ♫
@tchrquotes Having kids is a little like when the free sample lady tries to tell you all about the cheese & you pretend to be interested while you eat.
@SheMightHave “Lethal Weapon” is my favorite movie about how to fix a dislocated shoulder.
@Gupton68 My boss just set a meeting for July 2024 and a little piece of me died.
@IchBins_SN I don’t like to brag about my cat-like reflexes.
That said, could someone please call for help?
I got startled and am stuck in a tree.
@fluffysuse Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married.