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It’s bullshit that retirement homes have a minimum age. Being old and feeble is a mindset, let me in


Really not a fan of the wind. Why is the air in such a hurry? You’re outside already, where else are you even trying to get to?


my uber driver watching me wander around the street aimlessly because i have no idea what a toyota crayola is


What was a common name in the Middle Ages? I heard people named their kids Lance a lot


*maintains eye contact while checking ‘Dating Librarians For Dummies’ out from the library.


Oh, you climbed Mt. Everest?

Well, I live with 4 teenagers and ALL the laundry in the house is clean AND folded.



Are you sure you just saw 1 spider, or was it actually 1 spider + 500 spider babies on her back? Anyway, have a good day.


My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn’t just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can.


Losing your phone is the adult version of having your balloon fly away.