@putopao

Thank you, Internet.

Thank you.

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@danwlin

Transcript of Paul Ryan’s life since endorsing Trump

@wendchymes

Kinda miss the Jane Austen era where a man is driven mad by a woman’s hand being ungloved & yet oblivious to her heaving bosom falling out.

@Theropologist

Hate it when I’m minding my own business and an unmarked van pulls up with a shady-looking bear offering cheap farm-fresh honey and next thing I know I’m lying bruised and bloody on the side of the road but I guess that’s what I get for carrying a picnic basket in broad daylight

@anotherbecky429

Nothing like the dreaded “Mom I missed the bus” text to get you up and moving.

@jollyrobber

The main reason I’ve never committed armed robbery is directly related to how terrible I look on security footage.

@EAlMansy

The lady at McDonald’s gave me an extra pack of fries for free. I hope she is ok with the names I picked out for our children.

@Jake_Vig

The day started well when I picked up my car keys to turn on the television.