Who are we? KIDS
What do we want? OATMEAL
When do we want it? NEVER, WE CHANGED OUR MINDS, WE DON’T LIKE OATMEAL ANYMORE
That guy who ran through the White House could go to prison for ten years, so there’s another reason I don’t run.
You Might Also Like
*loses faith in humanity*
“this is the type of problem that can only be solved by 13 photos of unlikely animal friendships”
ME: Velma cant see anything without her glasses, so in order to find her glasses, she needs to be wearing them
PRIEST: Those are your vows?
Ugh my boyfriend’s all “Stop asking my Dad if he likes your underoos” and “Stop snap-chatting my Mom” and “Stop calling me your boyfriend”
Guy- What’s your sign?
‘Time to meet your maker’ I say, more in hope, as I unpack another box of IKEA furniture.
wife: Pick a letter
son: Does it have to be from the alphabet?
me *gets up*
*sound of his college fund jar breaking*
[after my murder]
COP: Can u think why anyone would want to kill him?
WIFE: Christ yes *starts Power Point presentation* Make yourself comfy
Denied candy because I “didn’t wear red”. Kicked out of the office because I “didn’t wear pants”. I’m tired of these Valentine’s Day rules.
“Thats a killer dirt bike you’ve got, man!”
*dirt bike holds a knife to your throat*
Believe me…I know.