It may be autocorrect, but I’m excited to see how this plays out when I drive my friend to pickup her satan wedding dress.
The best revenge is living well unless you have a crossbow.
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Studying abroad: Spending months in another country.
Studying a broad: Spending months Facebook stalking Ashley.
I got this “breathe” tattoo on my wrist because I don’t have a central nervous system and it’s a helpful reminder.
I want to apologize for the awful true things I said when I was angry.
Writing a personal ad. So far I have:
Has all own teeth
Pro-tip: if any family members ask how you’ve been spending the last two years and if you’ve learned a new hobby, maybe gloss over that story about finding out how many plums you could fit inside of yourself before doctors had to get involved.
imagine telling yo girl a joke and i start laughing under the bed
My dad will drive six hours to avoid a three dollar ATM fee
I don’t care how many stars this restaurant has, I’m ordering the grilled cheese sandwich
I haven’t said a single truthful thing on here since I became the King of Sweden.