The best revenge is living well unless you have a crossbow.
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I stopped yelling at my kids when they piss me off
and started taking bites of their sandwiches instead.12yo is going to school with JUST crusts today.
“Accountant jokes are funny but don’t really apply to me…”
~All accountants
My kids are starting to ask questions that I don’t know the answers to so I’m going to have to trade them in for dumber models.
My new dry-erase whiteboard can be
summed up in one word : “remarkable”
I have AirPods now, the next step is somehow staying rich and staying humble
any doctors here? am I allowed to get a wax during my epidural? it’s genius and there’s a ton of time to kill anyhow
Why are the states most in need of abortion so against it?
Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down.
Just killed a spider IN MY BED!! So if you need me, I’ll be burning down my home and looking for a new place to live.
brace yourselves, the orthodontist just died