The person who figures out how to marry someone without marrying their family too, will win the Nobel Peace Prize

You Might Also Like


Dinosaurs never could have survived to the present day.

Like…can you even imagine a stegosaurus trying to climb into a Honda Civic? Totally ridiculous.


He raised an eyebrow, put his hand down and with one eye on the table, looked expressionless.

Never play poker against Mr Potato Head.


Body: All done?
Brain: All done.
Body: goodnight
Brain: goodnight

Brain: Flintstone tiptoed a lot for a big dude


EXORCIST: the previous tenant was murdered. You can see their ghost in the background of this photo

SPOOKY GHOST VOICE: oooomg deleeeete it


Squirrels run around like they’re being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job


Hate when you’re walking behind someone & want to pass them & then they start the “drift” & you both crash into a shelf of glass figurines.


My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out.