Pack a bag, we’re going on a tangent.
The person who figures out how to marry someone without marrying their family too, will win the Nobel Peace Prize
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Dinosaurs never could have survived to the present day.
Like…can you even imagine a stegosaurus trying to climb into a Honda Civic? Totally ridiculous.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and fall off obviously.
He raised an eyebrow, put his hand down and with one eye on the table, looked expressionless.
Never play poker against Mr Potato Head.
Body: All done?
Brain: All done.
Brain: Flintstone tiptoed a lot for a big dude
EXORCIST: the previous tenant was murdered. You can see their ghost in the background of this photo
SPOOKY GHOST VOICE: oooomg deleeeete it
Squirrels run around like they’re being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job
Hate when you’re walking behind someone & want to pass them & then they start the “drift” & you both crash into a shelf of glass figurines.
no one ever comes back
My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out.