I wish Bill Clinton would stop pointing his finger at everyone, Lord knows where that finger has been. #DNC #DirtyPoonTang
NATURAL ~> Virgins giving birth, talking snakes, dead coming back to life, walking on water.
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The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it.
Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?
My apathy is at an all time whatever.
Eww. RTing her is like giving your TL an STD
Moms, teach your sons to mind their manners, cook a decent meal & look for inner beauty.
Dads, teach your daughters how to throw a punch.
My girlfriend thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m fuckin’ awesome because I have the bread.
My mind is always on fast forward while my body’s in slow motion. I’m just like that channel where the sound is out-of-sync w/ the picture.
Good marriage requires communication: My wife tells me I’m wrong, and I tell her she’s right.
Not only are used coffee grounds a great fertilizer, when shaped and baked they make excellent biscuits for that cunt of a dog next door.
I like to throw a fake punch at a hooker’s crotch. If she flinches, I know it’s a dude.