@AmishPornStar1

Maybe I misheard him…

But I think God just told me to start building a really big goat.

@AmishPornStar1

Seriously joggers?! You’re gonna run and carry on a conversation at the same time?

And I’m all outta breath just finishing this McMuffin!!!

@AmishPornStar1

Teachers at the pre-school ask why I’m in a good mood in the morning…

I’m like, “Duh…did you not see me just leave my kids with you?”

@AmishPornStar1

You know that chick who said, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?”…

Yeah, well I ate her.

@AmishPornStar1

I hope that when the zombies finally do come, they’re all dyslexic and they only go after Brians.