@

Was going to rob a bank today, but the pen was chained to the desk.

You Might Also Like

@TitansHomer

Him: Can you believe what’s going on in Egypt?

Me: Yeah…it’s crazy…I gotta go. Bye.

Me: *googles what’s happening in Egypt?*

@noog

Obama: Joe, look. Full moon
Biden: What? TONIGHT? *starts shapeshifting*
Obama: Joe?
Biden: AARRGHHH
*Gore kicks door down*
Gore: MANBEARPIG

@dubstep4dads

Local Singles 2.9 Miles From Your Area
*refresh page*
Local Singles 3.7 Miles From Y..
“no dont leave”
*refresh page*
Local Singles 7.8 Mile

@ericsshadow

My wife is a beautiful, kind & giving woman who also checks my TL.

@mdob11

I think people who use “go fly a kite” as an insult don’t really understand kites or insults.

@missekay

‘Two can play that game…’

-people who dont understand that’s how games usually work

@THEDUTHCHESS

Woke up last night and the ghost of Gloria Gaynor was standing over my bed. At first I was afraid, i was petrified.

@staufff

If I had a dollar for every time I think about you, I’d start thinking about you.