What should we call this giant advertising board?
PHIL: A philboard
BILL: I have a better idea

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9-1-1 help, someone buried me alive *looks at phone* christ, and there’s no wifi


I like to play fetch with my cat….which, you know, is just me throwing stuff, followed by disappointment.


me when my kids won’t try their food: you might like it

me when my kids want to try my food: you won’t like it


I can’t grab a drink with you after work. I am limiting my liquids since I am wearing a jumpsuit


Christmas decorating 101 – Puts fake snow on Halloween decorations

Your move Martha Stewart


Sorry if I smell weird. I touched an old sponge last week


Caveman1: look, I invent wheel

Caveman2: what we do now?

Caveman1: wait for Jesus to take wheel

Caveman2: dum dum Jesus not invented yet


Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?
Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.


The corona virus should mutate into something nice for a change