@cwhudson BULLY: [rolling up sleeves] you wanna take this outside?
ME: yes, yes i do. it’s so beautiful out there today. a truly gorgeous day
@capricecrane What they say: “Wow, you’re really photogenic.”
What they mean: “Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are.”
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@cwhudson 
@DirtMcTurd Two things you need to know about me:
1. I am hung over.
2. Sometimes I say the word over for no reason.
@amydillon “What state are we in now?”
-kids, 5 minutes into a 15-hour road trip
@AmishSuperModel See ya later, alligator.
After a while, crocodile.
Catch ya mañana, little iguana.
@CarouselMouse APOLLO: I’ll be god of the sun
HERMES: OK I’ll take light-
A: I’m also light
ARTEMIS: I’ll take music
A: No I’m also music. That’s me too
@better_off_dad2 ‘The cat is up on your counters again.’
~The monster under my bed.
@Jake_Vig Rarely does an interaction with someone end with me thinking “I guess I was wrong about people.”
@LoveNLunchmeat I’m Irish which is kinda like being Sith, if I’m mad you can feel my hatred from anywhere in the galaxy
@SkinnerSteven Lights that commit crimes are sent to prism
@thetidebreaks I want you all to understand this might be the funniest tiktok of an animal I have seen in a long time.