@djdarrellripley

Why do they put Valentines Day candy in a box shaped like a heart? It’s kind of like eating ice cream out of a lung…

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@TheDweck

A Riddler origin movie would be like 10 min long bc he’d only have to tell one riddle before getting beaten up and becoming a villain

@MoistPork

Genius move, Romeo & Juliet, for killing yourselves instead of getting married and spending the rest your lives wanting to kill each other.

@aissalanis

Haven’t you heard, Fanny packs are back.

Him: It’s just… I’ve never seen anyone eating boiled eggs out of one…

@STRIKINGxVIKING

How to get a job on Game of Thrones:

Q: Can you act?

A: Sorta

Q: Will you get naked?

A: Yes

HIRED!

@OhNoSheTwitnt

[in court]
Judge: You’re the prosecutor?
Prosecutor: Yes.
Judge: So then who is this?
Me: (flips hair) I’m the prosecutest.

@ch000ch

i’ve grown my mustache down over my mouth and all the other ventriloquists here are wondering why they never thought of that before