You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can cry when the girl you used to babysit gets engaged before you do.

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Role playing in the bedroom was fun until my wife gave me a speeding ticket.


Therapists only want one thing and frankly it’s discussing.


[Invention of Tennis]

“…and you just try to hit it back to me”

Wow, that’s really simple

“Yeah, I wanted it to be very straightforward”

For sure that’s the best part about it

“Uncomplicated, you know what I mean?”

Exactly! No weird stuff


So how do you keep score?


Roses are red,
except for all of the other colors of roses that have been in existence for thousands of years. Those are different colors.


Googled my symptoms and turns out I should have taken the cake out the oven 17 minutes ago