@MrsRupertPupkin

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can cry when the girl you used to babysit gets engaged before you do.

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@Brianhopecomedy

Role playing in the bedroom was fun until my wife gave me a speeding ticket.

@jojipaints

Therapists only want one thing and frankly it’s discussing.

@TheToddWilliams

[Invention of Tennis]

“…and you just try to hit it back to me”

Wow, that’s really simple

“Yeah, I wanted it to be very straightforward”

For sure that’s the best part about it

“Uncomplicated, you know what I mean?”

Exactly! No weird stuff

“Yeah”

So how do you keep score?

@theDanLawler

Roses are red,
except for all of the other colors of roses that have been in existence for thousands of years. Those are different colors.

@MumInBits

Googled my symptoms and turns out I should have taken the cake out the oven 17 minutes ago