@toomanycommas3 If it weren’t for addiction, I could have been a supermodel.
Bread is a hell of a drug.
@noog “911 what’s ur emergency”
I… stabbed someone
“What? Why?”
He walked up to me and was all like HAPPY MONDAY
“Is he dead?”
No
“Stab him again”
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@toomanycommas3 @noog God: You really should return to Earth
Jesus: *takes bong hit* Tomorrow
God: You’ve been saying that for centuries
Jesus: *exhales*
@Shariv67 You can blame those “meddling kids” all you want. But let’s face it. Your entire plan was to dress up like a ghost.
@DaddyJew You can literally take anything from anyone as long as you shout “police emergency” and run away
@abhorrent_wife All it took was a skirt and one strong gust of wind and all of a sudden, my spirit animal is Hello Kitty.
@Aamir_Tweetz Wrestling is obviously fake.
Why would two people fight
over a belt when neither of
them are wearing pants?
@steph_mcca banks email like “Ummmmm we have a MESSAGE for you. In your INBOX” and then the message is like “Hello we are your bank”
Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you’re dating an onion and not a man.
@slaughthie My anaconda don’t want none unless you got a suitable living environment for him, a terrarium with a heat lamp, some small rodents, etc.
@ceejoyner Picture a fox. Wrong. They are smaller than that.