I went upstairs to grab my charger I brushed my hair, picked up some dirty clothes, changed my sons diaper, put on deodorant, came back downstairs, vacuumed the entire first floor & picked up some toys. I just sat down to plug in my phone & realized I never grabbed the charger.
You Might Also Like
Me, washing my hands in front of a mirror:
“Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mommy!”
-Mormon kids
Oh, you like Thanksgiving?
Name 3 pilgrims.
one of my fav things about friendships is that when they start, you send memes by saying “i thought you’d like this one” and they respond by saying “i really do, thank you!” and eventually that grows into you just being like “yooOOOAKSLDJS” and them just being like “HOLyyOmfnfnf”
Why am I like this?
#Shipping #Ecommerce #SmallBusiness #USPS #ShipDude
I need to work on controlling the look on my face when I’m listening to stupid people.
My million dollar invention is a microwave that stops beeping when you yell, “I hear you!” from across the house.
Standing at life’s crossroads: embarking on a master’s degree in business economics or getting a neck tattoo. Both equally boost employability in today’s market.
her: I like my men strong
me: *lifts-*
her: but sensitive
me: *-a puppy*
My ex boyfriend was into two types of women:
1) Me
2) My Best Friend
“LOL, NOPE”
-Me, 25 seconds into the marathon
I made a joke about how sweet it is that twenty men I don’t know dm me to ask me how I’m doing and this old dude commented “only 20? Out of 33k?” And like damn that hurt. The rest of you 32,980 better pony up or this old dude is gonna know I’m not sexy 😭
Question – what’s the dumbest thing you did as a kid?
Me- Wished I was an adult
My wife put the screws leftover from the dishwasher repair in a frame and hung it on the wall.
It’s not funny.
If Keanu Reeves was marooned on an island by a pirate captain with a loaded musket and a loaf of bread, he’d definitely shoot the bread.
I hate straight weddings because we all have to form a circle and pretend a 4 year old is a better dancer than me.
i am going as a ‘credit card’ to this halloween party, cause i plan on being used irresponsibly.
My CW said not to drink cows’ milk cuz we’re not cows so now I get why she drinks almond milk-she’s nuts.
I just heard a lady in the grocery store parking lot tell her dog in the truck she loves him & he’s beautiful & she’s going to miss him, but she’ll brb & kissed head.
& I just feel like we need more of her in this world.
I also wanna be her dog when I grow up.
I don’t often get suspicious,but squirrels rubbing their tiny hands together? I worry they won the lottery & hired a good hit & run attorney
me to a cat or dog: and are you the best baby? the fluffiest? are you the babiest baby of them all? do you get stopped every day and asked about how it feels to be a baby?
me to a real, human baby: good afternoon. i appreciate your small shoes.
Me: This is great! I love hiking in the woods! You never know if it will be a Hallmark moment or a Blumhouse moment.
Friend: Why are you like this?
Me: It’s like a choose your own adventure.
The date was going splendidly until my mom called and we argued over my curfew in front of her.
5: Mommy said I’m a big boy and can’t sleep in her bed anymore
Me [sleeping on couch] she’s right son
windshields shouldn’t exist. if god intends for a f450 to kick up a rock on the highway that busts my skull into 7 pieces. if that’s how im meant to die. who the hell is kia to stop god
i love misspelling a word so hard even MS Word is like “this is between you and the Lord now”
Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that so much to ask for?
boss asked me to get an accurate headcount and i said pretty sure everyone’s only got one my dude
Somehow I managed to lock myself out of my laundry room. I don’t know the last time I was this happy.