“Red Hot Riding Hood” (1943)
A sequence so famous (or infamous, if you’re the censors) that it’s been replicated, homaged or outright ripped off in countless pieces of animation. The reaction shots of the Wolf are still as funny as they were 80 years ago.
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Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that made fun of me in high school
Wait a minute
“So that pervert buys you “Grass” and then you let him play with your nipples?”
-Me telling Cows its not to late to change their life.
4: I’m gonna hide this in a secret spot!!
*2 min later*: MOM! COME SEE MY SECRET SPOT!
Sorry I got kicked out of the auditorium for yelling GET A TOMB YOU TWO during your little brother’s 9th grade production of Romeo & Juliet.
When you’re too stoned to be in a meeting and someone asks your opinion just say “well it’s a numbers game” and watch everyone nod in agreement
They say there’s no such thing as a free lunch, but I’m at Applebee’s & have a dead mouse in my pocket that says otherwise.
you don’t scare me. you’re not a can of biscuits i’m about to open.
Optimus Prime: so it’s settled. I’ll be a huge cool truck, Bumblebee you’re a camaro. Any questions?
[Dan the station wagon raises his hand]
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because you got picked on in high school?
Cop: *sniffles* Shut up.
Just did a 15km row which is my all time personal best and was feeling pretty good about it until I realised that I’d left the fox and the chicken on the same side of the river.
Baby elephants migrate hundreds of miles to find water. My 6 year old is lying on the floor of the mall because I made him walk from the car
Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
Them: your dog is so cute, does she shed?
Me: only twice a year
Them: and how long does it last?
Me: 6 months
The romaine empire has fallen. Cesar is dead. Lettuce pray.
Me: Don’t forget we’re wearing matching costumes for Halloween.
Husband: Great! What should we be?
Me: I meant me and the dog.
Husband: Of course you did.
I have been draining my waterbed since 1981.
If you have streaks of purple, green or blue in your hair, I will try to eat that cotton candy off your head until you tell me to stop.
Of course I regularly eat international cuisine. Only last week I had cyrillic alphabetti spaghetti.
None of the parenting books said ANYTHING about having to relearn chemistry at 10 PM.
when someone rings the doorbell
Why call it a staple remover and not an upper left corner of the page mangler?
guys I’m going home
Natural selection at its finest
5,”So we don’t get to open any presents today?”
Me, “No.”
5, “So basically Thanksgiving is just Christmas for your tummy, right?”
[goes up to girl after symphony concert] Hey girl, you sounded real good tonight. I’m a huge fan of the…*looks at her clarinet*…e-cig.
You’re the water to my grease fire.
Cat: HUMAN IS TIME 2 DO A NEGOTIATE
Me: ok
Cat: IF U LET CAT EAT JUST ONE PLASTIC CAT WILL PROTECT U FROM SPIDERS
Me: I’m sorry but you can’t eat plastic, it’s really bad for you
Cat: FINE. U AM CHOOSE WAR
Me:
Cat:
Me: where are you going
Cat: MAKE ALLIANCE WITH SPIDERS
Would you like to learn about the Mormon Church?
“No thanks.”
Don’t judge too quickly. We have a lot of sects…
“WHERE DO I SIGN UP?”