The 1st cup was used in 1874, the 1st helmet was used in 1974. It only took 100 years to learn our brain is also important.
You Might Also Like
My favorite part about Black Friday is the part where I go to the mall, find a great parking spot & sit in my car with the reverse lights on
All these people dying on vacation kinda makes me feel better about being poor.
sure I’ll interpret that dream for you, it’s about hydration, they’re all about hydration. why else would you be driving a bus full of chickens.
Make your own “restaurant style” salsa by adding water to regular salsa.
I accidentally poured too much hot sauce onto my lunch and damn if my life excitement didn’t just increase tenfold
Next time you’re having a bad day just remember that alligators spend their whole lives looking like they’re trying to do a push-up.
Here’s my ONLY problem with Evolution:
When the chocolate chip evolved, how did the raisin not go extinct?
Eels, the slap bracelets of the sea.
I accidentally took a woman’s multi-vitamin this morning. I have been trying to get dressed now for 2 hours but everything makes me look fat
When my cousin came out as gay, his parents wanted him to see a psychiatrist.
Which is too bad.
Cuz he was already seeing a handsome lawyer.
I’m like the hottest girl on this elevator.
Never mind, someone else just got on.
*Girl comes out in a slinky dress*
ME: Ooh that looks like fun
*I push her down the stairs*
The newest Teenage Mutant Ninja Jurtle: Thiccelangelo.
*partner holding up finger and thumb almost touching*
Her: I am THIS close to snapping. Be warned.
Me: *gently* Aw honey they have to actually touch if you want to snap them!
*general murder sounds*
inventor of oreos: in the center is yummy cream
nabisco: and the outside?
inventor: absolute garbage
nabisco: stop i love it
This year for Halloween I’m putting my kids in a giant bowl on the front step with a sign that says Please Take One.
Me: Sometimes I wish I wasn’t shy and introverted
Alcohol: I’VE GOT GREAT NEWS!
*30 years into the Apocalypse*
Grandson – Before phones what did you do for fun?
*Pulls out faded extremely warn hacky sack*
Me – This shall be the best thing I bestow upon you. I also have a random shampoo bottle you can read while you poo.
I could be wrong, but an escape goat strikes me as an awfully inefficient getaway plan.
Welcome to Alzheimer’s Club
I see a lot of new faces today
The only reason there’s a market for hammers is not because they go bad but because they grow legs and walk away.
is it possible to get my dehumidifier to water my houseplants
I do not have a firm grasp on physics but have sketched what I have in my mind, with it strapped to a ceiling fan
My girlfriend told me she’s “spotting” and I’m like yeah right for who? You can’t even bench 50 Lbs lol
So now they say Vaccinated People can Gather in Groups of 8 with No Issues but I don’t Know 8 People with No Issues.
can’t believe Skyrim is still $60. should come free with all computers like solitaire or pinball at this point
why is my iphone predictive text so obsessed with trying to get me to go to church… every time I say “how’s…” it suggests “church.” same for “just going…” and “I’m at…” is Apple trying to save me
Husband: “Why do you ALWAYS have to be on your phone?”
Me: “Sounds good, I’m starving.”
Got banned for life from rap battling for repeated use of the word dingus.
I didn’t make this, but it’s perfect