Y’all realise that you can play a joke on someone without it being April 1st? Like no one is monitoring this!
You Might Also Like
[folds menu gently and sets down]
please may I have the applebee
You: 2020 couldn’t get worse
Murder Hornet: Hold my venom
If they tweet about you, establish dominance by retweeting them.
Got him!
[puts hand on wife’s stomach as baby kicks]
Come out here & try that.
*shaking head* I can’t tell which news stories are real or are April Fool’s Day pranks. I mean, you could say “Aliens have landed & have demanded to talk to the whales” & I’d just think “So 2022.”
Please. My avocado. It is so sad.
*thinks of joining gym tomorrow*
*celebrates the thought with a pizza*
she’s a 10 but Excel thinks she’s October
Taco Bell: Do you want hot sauce?
Me: [has entire drawers full of hot sauce packets] Yes please
*taps Canadian
*mumbles “Apple starts with…”
“Eh?”
*whispers “Your blood type?”
“Eh?”
*mutters “Best grade?”
“Eh?”
*giggles
*runs away
women who kind of look like Kate Middleton with the right pair of sunglasses on have the opportunity to do the funniest thing possible
I’m not saying I’m a conspiracy theorist, but I swear some of these typos have been planted.
There’s no problem you can’t solve with a great night of dancing.
Except for a broken foot.
Then you should see a doctor.
[After inventing a memory loss machine] I should invent a memory loss machine
Sometimes I’ll purposely spill gravy
on my pants to give me an excuse
to leave early.
The real trick is sneaking the gravy
into church.
I have nothing in common with people that say, “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.”
FROM: Harvard
SUBJ: Your PhD application
We are unable to accept you at this time as “Teaching Squirrels Karate” is too cool for us.
My kids lost a Barbie shoe.
I dug in the trash and found one.
It was from a set they didn’t know was missing
Now I’m looking for 2 shoes.
Please lower gas prices, I’m not built for onlyfans
“Only 105 days until summer break.” -my kids teacher at school pickup on the first day back from winter break
If a satellite dish zaps your friend and turns them into chips and 2 sliders….
Would you eat them?🤣🤣🤣
Once I surprised my husband with a murder mystery weekend, and not to brag, but it only took him an hour to get drunk and accuse everyone at our table of being the murderer.
“Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it.” -Me lying to someone who’s pointing out a constellation
My daughter has a middle school government test today. So I figured the best way to help her study was to weave the material into our convo when she complained this am
I like wearing a pullover because the name is also instructions. There’s none of the trial and error that comes with other types of clothing. You just pull it straight over your legs.
[first date]
I’m really nervous about this. It’s been a long time since I’ve [holds fork up and squints] used silverware.
Look, when I said I would “do anything” to bring Eurydice back from the Underworld I obviously meant “besides walk in a straight line without turning around”
I always draw track marks on my arms and cough a lot when visiting family so that no one asks me to hold their baby or help prepare food.