My girlfriend left a tampon at my apartment and idk where the left one is. Anyone know where I can get a single left tampon to keep a set here for emergencies?
You Might Also Like
Peppa Pig calls emergency cabinet meeting to decide how to respond to Kanyeās provocation,
So I said, āWhy donāt you eat one of these fried cornbread balls,ā and he said āhush puppie,ā so I said, āYou hush, you piece of shit,ā and one thing led to another court date.
Me: Everyone should follow their true calling in life.
Husband: Shopping at Target isnāt a calling.
cut negativity out of your life. delete Facebook. block your landlordās number. uninstall your banking app. stop paying taxes. forget math. self care.
I just ‘borrowed’ $20 from my teenage daughter.
She’s such an idiot.
[At a restaurant]
*phone rings*
Ugh, these are way worse than onion rings.
Enter Sandman is my favourite song about why I don’t have sex on the beach.
Survival Tip: if a bear comes at you, do not try to “sweep the leg”. They’ve all seen The Karate Kid and learned how to defend against it.
Eggs are a healthy breakfast, which is why I don’t feel guilty eating cage free Reese’s ones.
Always.
(Click “gift options” for merch:
I like to yell āStranger danger!āwhenever my boss introduces me to a new client.
My daughter said I was too old for over-the-knee boots so I bought two pair and told her she was too young to borrow them.
[at restaurant]
Table for two please.
āDo you have reservations?ā
Yes, this place looks like a dump but Iām hungry.
HER: i’m leaving u
ME: is it bc i don’t take u seriously
HER: yes
ME: yeah right
gorilla glue and jurassic park are trending, this might be how godzilla vs kong starts
MY BODY: You should exercise
ME: That sounds good
MY BODY: Because itās heathy
ME: Yeah!
MY BODY: And makes you feel good
ME: Definitely!
MY BODY: Letās go exercise!
ME: Iām lost
Animals…..
Hey what are you looking at don’t you have anything better to do it’s only an panda having a nice bath ok…..šš
Relationship or hallucination? Either way, I’m seeing somebody.
barbie: how many barbies are you seeing ken??
ken:
barbie: *flips over plastic pizza saver table*
Bride and groom: *exchanging rings*
Galadriel: but they were all of them deceived, for another ring was madeā¦
I’m so sick and tired of all the Internet bullying. “My password is NOT weak. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME!”
Suddenly had the urge to lay on the floor and do stomach crunches.
Then I found some bubble wrap and that urge went away.
I need to delete some of my fake dating profiles. It’s gotten so confusing I just met myself at Starbucks.
Each week our panel of 3 celebrity chefs compete to create the ultimate final meal for a death row inmate on LAST SUPPER, this fall on FOX
YouTube gives me ads in Japanese, google news gives me all the hot gossip from India, my ads on google play are in Chinese. I only speak English.
I, as a biological male, sometimes get menopause ads.
I’m sometimes paranoid over data collection & this all makes me calm down! Lol.
Who called them Underpants ?
And not ‘Man Hole’ Covers?
I appreciate a dentist who accepts āI didnāt really expect to live this longā as the answer to why I havenāt been properly taking care of my teeth.
Barista: can I get a name?
Me: sure, you can be āugly coffee maker manā
Barista: no for you
Me: Iāll be āhandsome coffee drinker guyā
Iām excuse, whatās your drunk
āGood night, was it?ā – Translation: You look like you slept in a hedge.