Always.
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What’s the worst that could happen? Tried my lady’s body lotion on my face and my face turned into a body, kept doing that hoping to bring back my face and that’s how I ended up 37 feet tall
HOW TO DIAGNOSE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION:
1) It’s not very hard
When our son was born, my husband said he wanted to name him after a Star Wars character. I like the name Luke, so I agreed to let him choose.
I can’t believe Admiral Ackbar starts school this year.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I’m describing him.
[Airport security supervillain screening]
AGENT: Spell ‘haha’
ME: OK, ‘M’,–
AGENT: ur under arrest
Dude is texting with a flip phone, just like George Washington did
*puts powdered sugar around my nostrils and walks into blind date set up by my mom*
*1st date*
“Nothing’s sexier than a man who can surprise me & make me laugh”
*cut to me in her closet in a clown suit*
“Hellooo soulmate”
When I die, please scatter my ashes over my iPhone, computer and TV, because I want to be left to my own devices.
Ghosting someone sounds like a euphemism for murder.