Batman cuts off a seemingly innocuous driver in the Batmobile, only to deal with the driver later, with the help of Superman #ChangingBanes
You Might Also Like
I may be angry on the outside, but inside me beats a heart of stone…
“Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice, cause…”
Barista: I’m writing “Mo”.
Our daughter woke us up at 3am to tell us a ghost was tapping on her from under her bed. Obviously, she was having a dream but we’re going to sell the house just in case.
I’ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I’m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
BREAKING NEWS
Literally to be eliminated from the English language in 2015
Use it while you can, white girls
JERRY: So apparently, the body keeps the score.
GEORGE: The body, eh?
KRAMER: Oh yeah.
GEORGE: I don’t know what my score is, but I got a feeling I lost.
JERRY: Two seconds you’ve known about this. You’re already sure you’re losing?
GEORGE: If a score’s being kept, I’m losing.
The Fast and the Furious.
– Me, not eating after 6:00 pm for my morning blood work 😠.
No, you’re not fat, you’re just easy to see.
Barber: Snip snip snip snip snip.
Me: What are you doing?
Barber: I’ve lost my scissors and I was hoping I could trick you into thinking I was cutting your hair by saying snip.
Me: I can see you in the mirror.
Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine.
Nothing says “thought of you, and masturbated” like ‘liking’ a girl’s Facebook photo from 2009.
6 year old: I ate all my lunch today!!
The evidence to the contrary:
Imagine if every Sunday all your friends decided to only speak in a foreign language. That’s how I feel during football season.
Your lips say no, but your eyes say- oh shit she’s calling the cops!
Y’all!! I’m dying I ordered delivery to my hotel and here they have a robot that takes it up to you. The robot got here and then REFUSED to give me my food and instead just said “going home now” and drove off. Haha the future is WILD y’all
I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a woman, but I felt better after I found out she was a man. Then sad again because we had sex.
I’m a disaster playing scrabble with the kids. I know all these disgusting words.
It’s your fault.
I wrote out SOS with M&M’s
Five minutes later
I wrote out SO with peanut M&M’s
SCHRÖDINGER: *Kneels down* Hey buddy, so… I have some news about your cat.
SON: Is it good news or bad news?
SCHRÖDINGER: Yes.
What’s the rule for Twitter crushes? So far I’m in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.
And where the back of the wardrobe should have been, one passed through until the air grew cold and one could feel the brush of pine trees. This Ikea wardrobe is terrible.
This device could predict incoming phone calls.
My husband asked how he could make me happy and I said “hold on, I have a list” and he laughed, but it wasn’t funny because I did have a list.
I still can’t find a place with an alligator infested moat for under $2k/month, but I’m hopeful.
Him: That’s a bitter pill to swallow
Her: Well, you did just eat a dishwasher tablet
It’s a myth that comedians stop being relevant after they turn 40. I managed it in my mid twenties.
greetings!
When one door closes, another one opens which is also one of the first signs you probably have a poltergeist.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It’s stopped twerking.
“Snitches get stitches”
Cute little rhyme..
However I believe,
“Snitches never wake up again”
is more likely to deter snitching…