SINCERE STUPID QUESTION:
was peter parker funny and quippy like he is when fighting as spider-man BEFORE he got his powers also, or did he get some kind of enhanced spider-sense of humor?
ARE SPIDERS VERY FUNNY NATURALLY?
You Might Also Like
My daughter just told me I’m giving her gray hairs and ran for her stress ball so I think I’m finally nailing this whole parenting thing.
All these poor newlyweds in quarantine just aging their marriages in dog years.
I’m exhausted from imagining a clean house all day.
He was a meter boy, she said see you liter boy
The best part about diet and exercise plans is the research phase. Which is why I stop there
Me: I haven’t been able to keep the house clean for 10 years
My 10 year old: Hey that’s how old I am
Me: What a coincidence
Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.
“Welcome, Mr. Bond.” I say, spinning around on my chair. My elbow catches the glass on the table and spills water all over my death ray.
For the first time in forever, I used the term “oopsie-daisy”. Couldnt be avoided. I mean what else do you say when you drop someone’s baby?
DATE: I like someone with a good sense of humor
ME: Ah ok I don’t have that one but I got like touch and smell and so on
Sometimes I think I should try to be a better person, but then I remember I’m good-looking, so I’m, like, nah.
Me: I always start eating a bunny by biting the ears clean off.
Her: That’s not unusual – I think most people like to eat chocolate bunnies that way.
Me: Chocolate?
Tried out a new set of long handled surgical forceps.
In lesser news, It turns out that I didn’t need that toenail after all.
That dentist from that parking lot flyer says gnawing down trees is just as good as brushing and flossing. I’m referring all my coworkers.
Cop: Anything you say can and will be held against you.
Me: SCARLETT JOHANSSON
A guy in my class stopped me today as I was walking out and said “I gotta show you this girl she’s your literal twin” and then showed me my own Instagram
I think about this a lot
Anonymously I asked kids (aged 6) to write new years resolutions. Here are some favorites…
“Eat more butter”
“Build a mud hut”
“Learn to drive”
“Try my hardest at everything but not maths”
“Make a new language”
“Invent Google”
Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.
A load of falling lizards is called a blizzard, right??
Imguana see myself out
I liked the movie Taken better the first time I saw it when it was called Finding Nemo.
i be like “why does god give me his hardest battles” and the battle is cooking instead of ordering delivery
guys I’m going home
Assassins are just murderers who found a way to make money off their favorite hobby.
6500 languages in the world and you decide you want to talk shit.
Guys don’t want sex, guys want to watch a thousand movies starring Jason Statham as a former elite special forces assassin who’s trying to leave his past behind but is called back for one last job
What my teens said: There’s nothing to eat
What my teens meant: WE ATE ALL THE FOOD!
#rubbishjokes
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?The slowest swimmer.
Me: Time heals all wounds.
Murderer: *stabbing me* Way to keep a positive attitude, but that’s probably inaccurate.