The region of Qatar that hasn’t been electrified yet is called acoustic Qatar.
You Might Also Like
Accurate
“Hey handsome. Why not come over to my place and eat the fried breadcrumbs I’m covered in?” she said, croquettishly.
pls stop saying grace,,,you are diverting God from solving crimes
ME: are those new shoes?
HIM: yeah, but *gets down on one knee* would you…
ME: *tearing up* yes?!?
HIM: tie my shoes for me? mother never taught me how
6yo: Your hair looks pretty every day.
Me: Well, thanks.
6yo: Can I have some chips?
I need your fingers, rubbing me hard, circling around my red swollen …mosquito bite.
What did YOU think I’m talking about?
Weirdos!!
Dracula: I vant to suck your blood
Me: well technically, no — you don’t suck what you’re drinking. You want to suck my NECK
Dracula: vhoa
I’ll believe corporations are people when conservatives ban them from marrying each other.
A panic attack is hearing your teens laughing in another room at the same time you can’t find your phone.
gimme fuel
gimme fire
gimme reba mcentire
A Pringles Tube but for Donuts
*ordering from the neighborhood Saudi restaurant*
Me: I’ll have a quart of the Chicken dump truck with a side of She is suspicious of cheese.
Terrifying if literal: the walls have ears
*Clark Kent leaves his glasses on the coffeemaker at work*
Lois: Anyone see the coffeemaker? You, with the glasses…seen the coffeemaker?
DIE HARD (1988)
Rated R, 2 hrs. 12 min.
The dead guy from The Sixth Sense throws Snape out of a window. Merry Christmas!
Oh boy, I am desperate!
My bowels do churn.
Too many tacos!
I never will learn.
Pardon me, Sir!
I believe it’s my turn.– Horton Has to Poo
I don’t even care if it’s a scam. Just the thought that a Nigerian prince took the time to write me a personal note has really made my day.
Don’t be silly! A kid’s name doesn’t affect the type of person they become. Now come and hold my sweet baby Lucifer Charles Manson Hitler.
I think my favorite sammich is ice cream
Mistakenly punched premium at the gas pump today and now I have to sell one of my kids to the circus.
No One:
No One’s Date: Are you always this quiet?
Sliding into her DMs like: ‘Hi’ or ‘Hey’.
-Unoriginal
-No
-Has that literally ever worked?Sliding into her DMs like: ‘It’s all gravy, baby.’
-Suave
-Well that’s new
-Implies you might have gravy. Ladies love gravy.
do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don’t have to be there
Good News: It wasn’t a colon polyp.
Bad News: somewhere, a craigslist escort is missing a press-on nail.
6yo granddaughter: wonder how far this will go
Twists doll head til it snaps off
Screeches “mom!!!”
Me: you’d make a rotten serial killer
every college guy’s fridge
I had a Russian Uber driver the other day.
His name was Pikup Andropov.
SOMEONE IS AT THEIR HOUSE!!!
– dogs
new boss: mind sharing an office?
me: no
NB: Good [points to room filled w/wolves] bc we finally contained them please keep the door closed
I didn’t hit him with my car…
I massaged him with my wheels.