Fun idea! Complimentary deodorant with each transit fare purchase.
You Might Also Like
*sees a baby deer drinking from a stream*
*very quietly pulls out phone*
*likes Ice-T on Facebook*
“Fed-Ex is coming to kill us all!” ~my dog
I’m just over here waiting for my 1st Richard pic.
And satan said “let all the opinions of strangers on social media have an absurdly large effect on you” and it was so
the top three reasons people break up:
-cheating
-fights about money
-incompatible peanut butter types
Bottles of beer on the wall, red balloons, and Jay Z’s problems wish former President Jimmy Carter a happy birthday.
Me watching any college movie:
WHY AREN’T THESE KIDS STUDYING
Is your wife single?
THEM: You are not alone.
ME: How dare you? I worked hard for this.
“I have to eat every 7 minutes or I get cranky.”
“Ma’am, that’s not a valid reason to be excused from jury duty.”
the world’s most popular steaming services
“ooOOOooo”
“oooOOoo”
“oooOOoh”
“OoOOooh”–spirited debate
*me talking to a couple* so who’s the 6 and who’s the 9?
If someone tells me “don’t be surprised if we find a body” I’m going to be many other emotions first.
I saw a sign that said save the earth it’s the only planet that has tacos and I thought that’s so dumb how do they know other planets don’t have tacos?
Fellas, here’s a flirting tip: If a girl plays with her hair while taking to you, it means she has lice and you should stay away from her.
“Hope you don’t mind, I just like to smoke a little after sex” I say tossing the entire body of a salmon over a charcoal pit
My 7yo twins informed me when they grow up they aren’t going to have kids, they want to travel the country in a motor home and take homeless children off the sidewalk.
I guess it’s time for the ol “kidnapping is frowned upon” talk.
My perfect date would be a hike in the mountains, and her telling me all about it when she gets back.
Ahh, birds chirping outside my window.
*lets the cat out*
*goes back to sleep*
If pharmaceutical companies have taught me anything, they’ve taught me that people with life threatening illnesses love to hike.
{first time watching golf}
why do these guys hate that egg so much?
the sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time
Please take the smartphone away from your pets, they are spamming your Facebook with selfies.
my answer to the age old ‘trolley problem’ ? I would simply also lay down on the tracks.
*tree falls in the forest*
*tree pretends to start jogging so it doesn’t look like an idiot*
Bringing in an edit button would deny us glorious tweets like these
This day in history. 1973. Pablo Picasso died leaving behind his wife, 4 children, and a dog with piano key teeth and a halibut for a tail.
ME: No, no, no! I’m not saying they necessarily DID exist at the same time! What I’m saying is, IF they did, then Captain Hook and Scar from Lion King WOULD’VE been best friends!
MY CAT: *meow*
ME: Delusional how?
My dream job is getting paid to dream