The Dungeons and Dragons movie should kill off a character only to have the party meet a NEW character played by the same actor in the next scene
#dnd
You Might Also Like
What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?
*gets arrested*
I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.
For a very modest fee, I will dress as a clown and stand in your garden. If you pay me more, I won’t do that.
It’s not easy to find someone who has their shit together, but when I do I avoid them at all costs.
In the lobby of an office building in Toronto. I guess to make sure employees are flooded with resentment the instant they walk in the door?
I said something about my Twitter friends to my husband yesterday and he asked me where they live (I don’t know), what they do for a living (I don’t know), if I know their last names (I do not), can I see a picture (sure!), those are cartoons, what do they really look like? (uhh)
My kid pausing YouTube to decide what snack she wants is the new turning down the car radio when you’re lost.
I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.
Hip-Hop & Dancing go hand & hand for my generation.
All set.
Boating season is upon us.
“I’ll vote for a Democrat when hell freezes over.” — Texas Republicans
“Deal.” — Mother Nature
Editor’s note: sorry about ‘snowboard’ typo, should be ‘snowboarder’ found dead
Absolutely stellar ‘people in the papers pointing at the thing that’s made them angry’ today
“I’m a night owl”
All owls are night owls. You are a regular owl.
DeBeers ad: *Close up of eyes tearing up then a block of parmesan reggiano – man gets down on one knee*
This year, let them know it’s forever with an investment of 3 months salary in cheese.
Police: THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!!!!!!
Me: Not with that attitude.
How frustrating would it be if you turned into a zombie before you had a chance to put your dentures in?
“I don’t have to outrun the bear! Just you!” Wrong. Bears are so sick of that joke, they skip the slow guy and eat the fast guy now.
I will always post cat eating corn when I see it
Wind In The Willows: Choosing Nicknames:
Ratty: I’ll be The Ratster!
Toad: I’ll be The Toadster!
Mole: I’ll be The Molest… I’ll be Moley.
No horror movie will ever be as scary as the sight of the water going up instead of down when I flush the toilet.
Girls love it when guys:
– are respectful
– are handsome
– eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun
Enough with the fist bumping. I never understand what is happening. This time I held my hands open because I thought he was giving me M&Ms
At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day
Karma Chameleon is my favorite song about lizards getting what’s coming to them
Parents don’t have “favorites.” We dislike all of our children equally.
All these poor newlyweds in quarantine just aging their marriages in dog years.
12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshis castle. Really makes you think.