The Seven Deadly Sins:
1. Envy
2. Gluttony
3. Greed
4. Lust
5. Pride
6. Calling Lego ‘Legos’
7. Wrath
You Might Also Like
Indiana Jones & the hopscotch of doom.
Taco is a crispy sandwich. I will not be taking calls to change my mind.
Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.
This is the goat we had on our business update meeting last week 👀
Our dishwasher works exceedingly well, as long as you only put clean dishes in it.
Tony Hawk: *does a 360*
Tony Owl: *does a 360 while doing a 180*
Anyone else’s spine sound like an accordion when they go to bend over?
No?
always carrying a megaphone in case you have to sigh at someone far away
You know that one relative that is annoying AF and no one in the family can tolerate?
Yeah, she’s staying at my house this week.
Me: so then you bring in 3 investors and like they bring in 3 investors and it just keeps going and going until we all get rich. You get it?
Pharaoh: i actually love this
Pronounces ‘daughter’ like ‘laughter’
Wolf: Woof!
Me: Omg Pokémon do exist.
my boss: how are you late to work again
me: [running out of excuses] have you ever seen the film flushed away
[first day as a peterinarian]
Customer: I think there’s a misprint on that sign
Me (petting dog): No.
I hangout with different people each day so I can wear the same clothes for 3 days straight.
Vaccines in Australia are called emunizations.
Americans 1776: We’re going to fight for Revolution!
Americans 1939: We’re going to fight for world peace!
Americans 2020: We’re going to fight for toilet paper!
Vodka = liquid CTRL + ALT + DELETE
what if pizza rolls grew into full size pizzas when u put them in water like those dinosaur bath toys
*First day as a boxing cornerman*
Me: So did you guys even try to talk this out first or what
I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back.
I guess when I thought that I would catch up on tv shows while recovering from surgery I forgot that my kids still live here
You ever think someone is breaking into your house and then realize oh, it’s just the clothes in the washer I started 5 minutes ago.
me: time for sleep 🙂
my brain: IS IT THE “S” OR THE “C” THAT’S SILENT IN THE WORD “SCENT”???
its actually not that difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. one will see you later and one will see you in a while
going over to my buddy’s house and opening all of his treasure chests to see if there’s any items in there that i need
I will never miss you, because I’m a really good shooter.
Italians keep plastic on their couches because it’s easier to clean up the murder scene
Back in the old days you had to settle for someone within a 50 mile radius to love. Now with social media the whole world can disappoint you.
My toddler got a certificate at nursery for ‘good listening’ and ironically she didn’t listen when I asked her if she could do that at home too