Taco is a crispy sandwich. I will not be taking calls to change my mind.
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I don’t think my car can fly
Don’t let anyone tell you who you are unless you’re concussed and confused and genuinely need to know.
Get your relatives speaking to one another again by sending a heartfelt Christmas card with a picture of your family with an extra child nobody knows.
[Trump speaking at rally]
I love this country. I love America. I love singing the *looks at smudged writing on hand* Strawbangled Panther
Your baby might be adorable, but so is my cat and she cleans her own butt.
The Kardashians is what happens when you feed a gremlin after midnight.
Based on how much my baby is attracted to bright lights and shiny things you’d think I birthed a moth.
Imagine the havoc if raccoons could fly. Rotund shadows grow larger over a pizza guy moments before he’s swarmed by snarling, handsy demons.
I let my 5 year old talk me into playing kickball-basketball, so now I’ve got to explain this bloody nose to my wife.