Air Canada says 20,000 mobile app users have been affected by a data breach. On the upside, the hackers might know where your lost luggage is.
You Might Also Like
The older I get the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin
me: most people don’t use their middle names
machine kelly: it just feels dumb this way
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own problems that I forget there are people having real fights on the internet.
I don’t want your pity sandwiches. I mean I’m still gonna eat them and enjoy them. But I don’t want them.
police sketch artist: you sure his ears were this long
me: i thought we were doing a silly one
[3am]
me: *sleeping*
brain: omg you’re late for work!
me: oh shit *jumps out of bed*
brain: lmao you’re so gullible
[calendar naming committee]
BOSS: how should we spell the second month
GUY WHO SPELLED WEDNESDAY: i have an idea
I’m in that fun part of a relationship where everything is new and exciting and we are learning things about each other and I don’t poop.
*Buys map of world, pins up on wall*
*Swears to visit wherever it lands*
*Aims dart*Map: I have a boyfriend
ME: Doctor, doctor. I think I’m a pair of curtains.
DOC: Pull yourself together!
*both laughing*
DOC: But seriously, I’m gonna refer you to a therapist cos that shit ain’t right.
me: [struggling to think of things to talk about] “so what do you do for a living?”
barber: [slowly stops cutting my hair]
The secret society of the bean keepers is called the leguminati.
before u buy those shoes online ask yourself if u really want 2 new emails a day for the rest of ur life
#FF @funTweeters. They’re the crazies, I tell ya! #humor
Iron Man, Iron Man, does everything an Iron can
Gets real hot on a mat, makes your clothes get really flat
Look out! Here comes the Iron Man
As a kid I had an imaginary friend, Jerry Lapston. He had a backstory and everything. The funniest thing though was that my little brother wanted a friend too, and in a moment of youthful innocence came up with the best creepy imaginary friend name ever: Uncle Bathingsuit
pelicons
All I’m saying is if paper beats rock why are rocks used as paperweights?
[first time at church]
me: *flipping through bible* do you guys do soups
ME: can i open a joint account
BANKER: ok with who
ME: anyone rich
Someone called me an “alarmist old lady,” when Boomer Doomer was right there.
Holding back your crazy is like sucking in your fat. Eventually it’s gonna come out.
me: [gun drawn] put the receipt in the bag.
cashier: ok.
I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me in the back.
one day, after your children have moved out, you realize it was your husband who you needed to hide the good cookies from all along
Weddings are dumb. Except yours. Yours was a great way to spend money.
gf: its over I can’t be with someone so cheap with such a bad temper
me: arghhh *grabs lamp and places it on it’s side against the wall*
Optimist: the glass is half full
Pessimist: everything is dying
Overthrowing governments actually sounds pretty coup