Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?– How to annoy an Avenger when you’re on a road trip.
You Might Also Like
Me: Babe, you are the one. The one I will fight with.
Wife: Don’t you mean for?
Me: Sure. That too.
can I just say I hate that working out gives u energy and mental clarity like… why couldn’t it have been sleeping and laying down why does it have to be exercise it’s so rude
I find it creepy that everything Bryan Adams does, he does it for me.
there should be a drug that makes you addicted to cleaning the apartment
My husband and I are co-counsel in trial today.
We already had an argument about who would drive to the courthouse.
This should be good.
Today’s workout. 5 x 7 min intervals. 1 hour walk. Helped demolish my neighbour’s shed. I’ve never seen anyone so angry.
This dude winked at me in the market so when he wasn’t looking I put a bunch of douches in his cart
In sign language, the story of my life can be told through a series of facepalms.
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
my street gang has been walking down the street snapping our fingers in unison for like 3 days, we all forgot why we were doing it
I’m 51 now, but still cling to the hope of me flying through a room horizontally shooting 2 handguns at once one day 😌💭
People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura
I bet the frankincense guy was all like, “Let’s put the three items in one gift basket and the basket can be from all of us.”
I wonder what song the Little Mermaid was singing when she viciously ripped a clam in half to make a bikini top?
Social media: for when you want to fight with your kids on 3 platforms
Convicted of murdering the English language, he was sentenced to death by elocution.
the sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time
I found a baggie of coke while out walking my dogs. I knew adopting the retired police K-9 would pay off.
Husband: *opens the bathroom door and walks out*
Me: *texts him from Target* Turn off the lights and wash your hands!
Hey boy, are you an Amazon wish list?
Because I want you so bad, but will forget about you when I sign out.
I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things?? That’s how they get you
According to the Internet:
Xbox One
– $500.
– Weaker hardware.
– Mandatory daily check-in.
– Requires Kinect.
– DRM.PS4
– Cures cancer.
You don’t need Crossfit if you have to get to the mailbox and back whilst avoiding mosquitoes the size of chihuahuas.
Court clerk: Are you here about your hearing?
Me: No my hearing’s fine, I think it’s that murder I did
It’s going to be super weird when all this shit is over and your boss is trying to get you to be all serious in some stupid meeting.
I just survived the apocalypse Carl, I don’t give a shit about forecasting
Communing with the fog in the woods, anyone need anything?
ME (calling my horse with no name):
Sorry, package of toilet paper. I’m only making one trip from the car with these grocery bags, so you’re sleeping in the car tonight.
I once conjured a blizzard to get out of a “lunch date”.