[scene: a smoky Paris bar]
BARTENDER: You feel trapped, mais oui? You hunt the rabbit, but the rabbit, he mocks you. Always you are made to play the fool, in a cycle you cannot escape.
FUDD: *nodding bleakly* I’m suffewing, Henwi.
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twitter: are you sure you want to choose violence?
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Him: ok I’ll go in the next room and make lots of noise
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me: in my dying era
death: what
me: going ghost mode
death: stop
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You’re not with Greenpeace, Kyle, you’re doing Community Service.
Welcome to Lion Tamer School. Everyone grab a chair. Good… good. You’re all halfway to becoming Lion Tamers now.
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Me 2 seconds later behind a couponer at the store: ok no we can’t
i regret to inform the fans that yet another draft of my romance novel has been rejected for overusing the phrase “really going to town” in sex scenes
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therapist: i’m all ears
me: *screaming*
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What, did you NOT SEE that one coming?
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Neighbor: *talking, shifts*
Me: *shifts, too, talking*
N: *moves, keeps talking*
M: *moves, too, keeps talking*
N: Why are you copying me? Wait…Are you using me to block the wind?
Me: Yes
N: *laughing*
The plot thickens.
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Me: goodnight sweetheart
9: mummy!
Me: is it important
9: YES
Me: what’s up
9: do you think someone could live if they had organs and a skull but no other bones
Left
Right
Left
Left-er
Quick right
Squeee!
Left
Up
Down
Left
Right
Squeee!
Right
Up– squirrels
The neighbor’s wind chimes sound like they might disappear in a horrible accident.
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Me: Anything that is on my plate, even though it’s also on theirs.
ME: What’s this about?
SECRET SERVICE: We can’t tell you
ME: I can take it
SS: *whispers* Your parents didn’t take your dog to a farm
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2: Giraffes!
Me: There’s only water animals there
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Lesson learned