What idiot called them “Female condoms” and not Estrojans?
You Might Also Like
I used to think I had a Japanese friend.
But it was just my Imagine Asian.
If you drop a peanut in a shag rug forget it, let it go.
Putting “perfect for sharing” on bigger bags of crisps is all well and good, but maybe consider an accompanying range with “ideal for emptying into a nosebag and hoovering up into your big fat face” on it, cos I would buy the shit out of those.
Walmart bathrooms is my favorite place for me to feel like I’m taking a piss on the set of the movie “Saw”
Hate it when I put on active wear and nothing happens.
Any man that dates me better have my beer ready when I get home like my cats do
To avoid the awkward 5 minutes, lean over and give the cashier butterfly kisses while waiting for your 500 foot CVS receipt.
I always get self conscious buying toilet paper like some high schooler is gonna take a picture of me and post it online with the caption “lmao this dude poops”
How’s your Saturday going?
I’ll go first: my 10 yo came upstairs from his video game haze to tell me the dog peed on the rug again. We don’t have a dog.
My refrigerator is so full I have to slide the Country Crock out like I’m playing Jenga
Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm.
Sure I might have bitten someone today, but they deserved it.
I can’t make everyone happy, I’m not lasagna.
But I can cause heartburn like red sauce.
I just love it when my boyfriend comes to visit and brings me presents. He always says stuff like “stop winking and sign for this package”
Taught a man how to BUY fish. So much easier.
being bisexual means i’m attracted to women AND keanu reeves.
‘It’s the thought that counts’ doesn’t work on housework.
Good try though.
there should be a drug that makes you addicted to cleaning the apartment
It’d be ironic if deaf people hung out in heards.
me: just tell me what to do
universe: *gives me a clear sign*
me: well that could be for anybody
@mariana057 If an Apple Store is in disrepair, is it an iSore?
MY PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN SO I CAN FINALLY WINK AT THE CAT AS MUCH AS I WANT
If corporations are people then that’s really gross because we walk inside of them all the time.
My wife begged me to stop singing Outkast songs, so I was like, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alri
Replace someone’s MRI with a dancing skeleton gif once, and you’ll never be asked to deliver bad news again.
Just shooed that big green raccoon out of my garbage can again. Man, he’s grouchy.
villagers: BURN THE WITCH
me: you’re the reason your dad left
witch: omg
villagers [lowering torches] damn dude
Waking up on Friday thinking it is Saturday is like getting a fake ID and learning it’s expired.
The struggle is real in NY #Snowmageddon2015 #snowpocalypse
Dear diary, although he was a malevolent killer, the headless horseman was really well dressed. My emotions about this are confusing.