As a copywriter, I’ve noticed more people are using ‘whilst’ instead of ‘while.’ WHILE you can use either, WHILST is formal so it always sounds pompous and full of shit. Would you say WHOMST? No you WOULDST NOT.
You Might Also Like
When you let your mom cut your hair and she tells you what a handsome young man you are
Whenever someone asks why I have a bandaid on I say “I was fighting a henchman on top of a moving train and I got hit by a bee”
What kind of monster makes ultrathin cheese slices?
Them: Question everything.
Me: Why?
The Batcave was 14 miles outside of Gotham City. Close enough for Batman to fight crime, far enough away for Bruce Wayne to avoid ridiculous tax rates.
Me: When I am elected President, I am going to gaslight everybody
(gets elected)
Me: I never said that.
Women: Be smart. Don’t do this.
Gyms closed. So this summer gone be about personality.
To subscribe to the NY Times, all you do is enter some info online.
To cancel your subscription, all you have to do is call them, ask to cancel, be re-directed to the canceling department, enter a special code that was sent to your phone, do 20 jumping jacks, and die a little.
IKEA challenge: assemble anything with drawers
IKEA double challenge: add cats
IKEA triple challenge: now wine
I went to handshake someone and he basically just gripped my thumb and I’m never going to be popular
The police do not like it when you slowly reveal that your attacker was a ghost. They do not appreciate storytelling or showmanship. I know this now.
The lady cutting my hair asked me to lift my head like I was taking a selfie. I don’t know what’s worse, her request or me knowing exactly what to do.
The key to a clean house is dim lighting.
I came up with a new word yesterday: Plagiarism
Remember back when we knew the 7- or 10-digit phone numbers for ALL our friends and family. Now the only phone number I know is 911.
*eating chips for breakfast at 3 pm*
I wish I had a better metabolism
No one has more false hope than a Mom that brings three books on her beach vacation.
my love language is feeding you rotisserie chickens with my bare hands at 4am while you’re asleep.
One man’s trash is another man’s why the f*** is your trash in my yard.
[trying to get out of date]
ME: Oh sorry, I have a missed call from 911
HIM: That’s not how-
ME: *mouthing* IT’S AN EMERGENCY
In Canada, she’s Kilometery Cyrus.
Went to my niece’s elementary school field day last week.
I won every single event.
Every. Single. Event.
They’re not all brilliant, but they’re all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever.
I get why she built the pillow wall in our bed…but the barbed wire seemed a bit extreme.
Her, 6: I have a secret
Me: What is it?
Her: I’m not gonna tell you… but it’s about a marker
Me: Oh no
Her: yeeeah
Some people lean in for a kiss like they’re trying to lick spreadable cheese out of a jar.
Sometimes late at night, if you listen real carefully, you can hear parents removing batteries from annoying toys.
If the sun is blacking out at 1pm on a Monday than so am I
You’d think that the guy in charge of putting pepperoni on frozen pizzas would’ve been up for a performance review by now.