Normal adult questions:
– who, what, when, where, why, howNormal 3 year old questions:
– why
– why
– why
– why
– why
– why
– why
– why
You Might Also Like
I love art.
Canada is the 6th most peaceful country in the world in 2018. Canadians wondering who we gotta fight to get closer to #1.
Him: *gets the handcuffs out*
Me: mmm, have I been naughty? *slow wink*
Cop: we’ll let the judge decide, eh?
Most fashion shows these days…
If you have a choice between ugly or fat, remember this.
You can turn the lights out on ugly, but you can always feel the fat in the dark.
They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.
Him: I love you so much I want to shout it from the mountaintop
Me: *knows about mountains* Literally no one will hear you up there
I’m not saying my kids undermine my authority, mainly because they’ve not given me permission to.
As I’m hiding in the tree completely nude, I can’t help but think maybe dating married women isn’t worth it.
Have single guys scared of the “Friend Zone” even heard of long-term relationships or marriage?
I hate when people say “you always want what you don’t have” like that’s really insightful and not just explaining the definition of “want.”
Sometimes blank stare is the correct answer.
Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I’m the jerk…
I was watching this YouTube video about “housecleaning before Christmas.” It’s very similar to housecleaning.
Life advice:
1.Never be afraid to say what’s on your mind
2.Never be afraid to do what’s on your mind
3.Don’t take life advice on Twitter
It doesn’t qualify as a murder mystery unless the detective describes the crime in detail, turns to the least likely person in the room and says, “but you probably already knew that… didn’t you?”
I asked my husband what he wanted for Father’s Day & he said silence & then we all laughed & laughed & the kids went back to breaking the sound barrier.
Lawns are weird. Let’s grow 7000 of the same thing and nothing else.
I only use balsamic vinegar made from the finest of ballsams.
I call realtors advertising on bus stop benches and ask them the bus schedule.
Twitter is fun because you get to be like, “Ducks are good” and someone in your mentions will go, “Um, I’m sorry but my brother is married to a duck scientist and this is a harmful view” and then someone else pops up going, “Your silence about horses is extremely telling”
My boss accused me of sticking my finger in his birthday cake in the break room fridge.
He’s completely wrong. It wasn’t my finger.
just leaving a message to let you know I got your text
– voicemails from my dad
at my local diner ordering eggs “gorilla” style and refusing to explain further
me [to snail on ceiling]: ah ure a cute lil guy how’d u get up there?
snail: I just want to die pls why do I have to be so sticky
You think a person loves you and then they up and bring a grocery store cake to your birthday party.
*Computer crashes, I reboot it*
Computer: Windows was not shut down properly.
Me: Don’t put this on me, man.
Me: I slept through the second half of that movie
Kids: And the first half
Me: Yes
yes, i’m outside playing, mom!!
When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means ‘only married’ like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage