He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.
You Might Also Like
‘Your place or mine?’
Is the sexiest response to the question:
‘Where shall we bury the body?’
someone once broke up with me because they “had a big crush on this random person at a party” and it made them realize they weren’t that attracted to me. I moved on and got married and years later found out that I married THE RANDOM PERSON AT THE PARTY!!!!! Lol suck it
Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?
100% of car accidents happen within exactly five miles of something. If you’re within five miles of anything right now, move.
If you were thinking of having kids, just know my 5 yr old daughter is upset and crying because her 3 yr old sister likes the same color as her.
If you don’t know the right way to bend your knees and lower yourself for exercise purposes then you don’t know squat.
a robber breaking into my house and putting two left shoes on my feet so when I wake up to chase after him I just run in a circle
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you’re looking for a business manager.
Should I ever go missing, please don’t let the news use my 7th grade picture.
Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies
No Grandma, a brothel is not a soup kitchen.
I think my wife’s angry with me but it’s hard to tell coz she’s pretty blurry and one of us is slurring a lot
whoa whoa whoa we both like to laugh?!
*pretends hand is a telephone*
“Hello, Las Vegas? One marriage, please!”
Today I came across a snake that seemed parched and tired, so I gently trickled some water from my water bottle on its snout for a few minutes and it quietly sipped. One of those nature moments that was nice but in retrospect makes me look like some sort of evil forest spirit
He entered the gym: eye patch on, peg leg in; he’d made his costume himself. It was a pilates class. He realised his mistake immediately.
ME: (falling to my death in an elevator shaft) lol shaft
He may be a red flag factory but the building is nice.
Magician: “Think of a card.”
Me: “Okay.”
Magician: “You are thinking of the.. 3 OF SPADES!”
Me: “I was thinking about a get well soon card.”
My toxic trait is that if you see me naked, that girl from the ring murders you in 7 days
H: What is that you’re having for lunch?
Me: fruit salad
H: That’s funny, it looks like a sangria.
Me: huh, weird *sips fruit salad*
Nothing judges you harder than a cat staring at you.
I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes.
Man who looks forward to spending his entire life with Kim Kardashian disagrees with Grammy decision.
i wanna do one of those guy takes a picture of himself everyday for a year but i’m afraid people will be like wow he really wears that sweater a lot
My location is on so my wife can see that I am where I say I am.
My wife’s location is on so I can hide the drinking glass and start cleaning while she’s on her way home from work.
[christmas day]
God: *opens gift* wow these are cool what are they
Angel: i call them wasps, they’re kinda like bees except they’re really angry, don’t die when they sting and serve no purpose whatsoever
God: they’ll be perfect for earth, thanks Lucifer
*breathing becomes rapid and pulse starts racing*
I…I’ve never felt…SO ALIVE!
*holds up 11th nugget from 10 piece box, for all to see*
Ever since they started calling pole dancers “artists,” I’ve been writing on my resume that my talents include “moving in artistic circles.”
You know you’re an adult when you’ve injured yourself sleeping
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?