Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.
You Might Also Like
There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.
wife: why is the automatic soap dispenser in the kitch- *hazelnut creamer squirts into her hand*
“So your new carol is just eight verses of you demanding figgy pudding with increasing hostility.”
“That’s right.”
“And it’s called We Wish You A Merry Christmas?”
“Yes”
“Buts it not really about Christmas is it? It’s mostly about figgy—“
“—figgy pudding yeah.”
If the Get Out challenge was running straight at people and veering away last second, the Midsommar challenge is just taking your long term boyfriend to see Midsommar
According to this Ancestry DNA test, I’m 40% caveman. Thanks, Flintstones vitamins.
Deleted duck from my autocorrect so it no longer keeps ducking changing my favourite ducking swear word.
SICK of gossip rags only being interested in famous people. Can someone please investigate the woman in my building who put a salad in the recycling bin
Five out of six people enjoy Russian Roulette.
what sorcery is this, the iron wasnt workin, so I took it apart put it together again got left with extra parts and screws but its working??
Scariest things in the world:
1. Clowns
2. Phone calls
3. That feeling when you accidentally tip your office chair back too far and your life flashes before your eyes
Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.
Wife: Want do you want for dinner?
Me: Surprise me.
Wife: I used to be a man.
Me: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pizza.
The fastest I ever ended a blind date was when I asked her to tell me about herself and she replied “Well, I’m a Gryffindor”
You’re drunk and trying to outrun the cops on horseback but they eventually catch you because it turns out you’re just on a carousel
If we can land on Mars then we can figure out how to get someone else to go to the bathroom for me I’m not discussing this further
Facebook now tags fake news stories from sites like The Onion with #satire to protect users who lack 1st grade critical thinking skills.
This dogs tail is more talented than I will ever be
Don’t let herpes become yourpes.
A Spanish friend working in UK happily for years reply to taunts re being kicked out: “Well, I can choose 27 other countries; you can’t”
*high looking at my cat*
When did I get a fluffy chicken?
Please stay out of the flood waters. They are busy and don’t have time for your bullshit.
This is up on a telephone pole in south Minneapolis and I am dissolved in laughter:
Lois Lane was fired from the Daily Planet after she knocked Clark Kent’s glasses off and then panicked thinking a plane was in the building.
If you leave our home after a visit we will stand on the porch and wave until you drive out of sight because that’s how we were raised, by maniacs.
babe wake up . a new draw your ship prompt just dropped
me: haha wow, you *really* seem to like my eyes
optometrist: again, please hold still
May you never experience disappointment like that of finding unmelted cheese on the second layer of nachos
If you see me at the beach this weekend, that’s not me. Don’t follow me. That works here but is creepy in real life.
Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.