Okay this futility isn’t going to exercise itself
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Entomologic:
Firefly= not a fly
Butterfly= not a fly
Mayfly= not a fly
Stonefly= not a fly
Scorpionfly= not a flyBee louse= fly
This has been “Entomologic”
#entomologic #entomology #SciComm #bugjokes
People are like, “I thought about what you said…” and my first thought is always, “Oh no.”
I cut my finger making dinner last night, so I told my family I won’t be cooking ever again. They took the news surprisingly well.
Misery loves company. And from what I can tell, the company she loves is the one where I work.
These pit stains indicate I’ve put unrealistic expectations on my antiperspirant.
What if the hobbits couldn’t fly the eagles into Mordor because the eagles were made by Boeing
the things my dad sends my mom 😭😂
No one claims to like clowns, and yet there are clowns. What an evolutionary adaptive species they must be, clowns.
Whenever I see an empty pizza box in a neighbor’s garbage can, I get jealous someone had a better night than I did.
Oh sure you’re having a bad day, but did you buy grapes with seeds by mistake?
Boy am I stuffed! I finally finished eating the bag of salt I got for Christmas
[restaurant]
ME: *reading menu* how’s the chicken parm?
OUR WAITER, TONY THE TIGER: it’s grr-
MANAGER: *glares at Tony*
TONY: it’s exquisite
If you fill your girlfriend’s hair dryer with talcum powder & glitter you end up with an angry ex-girlfriend who looks like a sparkly ghost.
“Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you’ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you” – my fashion blog
I told my 5 year old my birthday was coming up and he asked if we were going to have pizza and a bounce house and now I’m wondering why the hell I’m not.
A sick whale is called an unwhale
Att’n birds in my yard: the one to the LEFT of the feeder is for drinking, the one to the RIGHT is for bathing. Get it together you guys.
Cyber Monday but instead of buying more stuff, I get rid of it by putting it in Amazon boxes on my porch and let it get stolen
My kid’s piano teacher told me he liked my Halloween shirt and I told him thanks but this is just how I dress.
FB: you have memories to look back on
Wine: i’ll take care of this
did everyone just forget about the part of 2016 when literal clowns would chase people with knives in public and nobody really did anything
I don’t like doing the same things again so much that I can never be a serial killer.
My sex tape is me laying on the bed trying to zip my skinny jeans from last year.
Every change you make in life starts with crafting clothes for nuns. It’s all about creating habits.
cold water immersion sounds cool but i’m doing this other thing called warm bed immersion
This cat wants you to take your pills
I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.
FRIEND: It’s called cauliflower. It’s not ghost broccoli.
ME: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] Listen kid, I know what I saw.
Jaws is exceptionally funny if you just imagine the shark is trying to be friends with the guys on the boat and they keep running away.
It isn’t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door.
I’m fine by the way.