Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.
You Might Also Like
What the world needs now is
a. love
b. sweet love
c. a category in IMDB that gives you a visual height comparison by actor for a given cast in a show
It’s weird when one person from your college friend group gets rich but you’ve all stayed in touch & their Facebook posts are like “I have always loved Pearl Jam & it was magical to see them perform on my back patio for my birthday!!!”
ME: stay away from the cat
MY DOG: perhaps this time will be
d i f f e r e n tME: ur gonna get scratched again
MY DOG: [approaching cat anyway] brøther. brøther i crave the ꜰᴏʀʙɪᴅᴅᴇɴ ᴄᴜᴅᴅʟᴇꜱ.
[first day as 911 operator]
ME: 911 what’s your- your- *looks over to boss*
BOSS: emergency
ME: hey, gotta go we have an emergency here
Only way I’d want to see a jam band is if they were accompanied by a peanut butter orchestra.
Pretty much the only time I WANT to hear about your ex is if she’s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I’m good.
Please send yard fairy. Or a genie. Or your firstborn. Anyone that will cut grass will do
Just opened a collision repair
shop called “Auto Correct.”
Are chicken nuggets an emotion because i feel very chicken nuggets right now
No one in movies or TV shows ever properly freak out when they see someone eat sauce off a wooden spoon then put the spoon that they just licked back in the sauce.
6 woke us up this morning slightly concerned.
6: a squirrel is making some really strange screaming noises on the deck.
Me: *not knowing how much 6 knows* maybe he’s looking for a lady squirrel.
6: like a mating call? I don’t think anyone would find that very attractive.
Show her how romantic you are by sprinkling body parts in a trail leading to the bed.
If someone gives you a gift and you didn’t get them one, hand it back to them politely and say, “I don’t want this shit.”.
my 6yo: guys?……can i do anything i want with this brownie?
my husband and i: ………👀
6yo: like eat it with a potato chip?
*synchronized sigh of relief*
I made some fish tacos today…
But they just ignored them and swam away…
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said “seriously?” after a comment you made during an argument.
it started as a virus but mutated into an IQ test
“I refuse to be part of an apartheid system that reveres whiteness and segregates those of colour”
“Just do the damn laundry”
Not me walking to the supermarket and feeling cute in my polka dot summer dress until an elderly woman stops to point out we’re wearing the same dress.
Quarantine has given me some free time so I made an exit survey for people who left me on read on dating sites
When the delivery of your fridge sounds like a threat. 🤣😂
Him: “Do you want to cuddle?”
Me: “Yeah, let me call the dog.”
*walks into high school reunion with six-foot tall sack of flour*
I took the assignment seriously. Anyway, this is Max… my son.
date: what turns you on?
me: cartoon superhero movies
date: [laughing] incredible
me: yah that’s my go to
just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos
I get it. True beauty comes from within. But until true beauty can wear lingerie and give a mean lap dance, I may have a few shallow moments
That moment of panic when you realize you haven’t checked on your Farmville in like 6 years
I illegally download music, but only Metallica.
They seem to be pretty cool about it.
There’s no law that says it has to be night to howl at the moon.