I have alopecia. I don’t wear a wig at work because it’s a very physical job. I was in the washroom and a customer with children were washing their hands. One child pointed at me and EXCLAIMED
“Mommy is that a boy or a girl?”
So I barked.
🤷🏼♀️
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Everyone: 2020 is gonna be my year!
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If I check out your blog, what will you do for me? Love me? Ok fine, but you’re telling my mom we’re going out.
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Salad is the decaf of food.
I do not want a robot dog. I do want some sort of high-speed Wi-Fi router mobile hotspot installed in my current dog
God: you hate the moon.
Wolf: why?
God: he stole your girlfriend.
Wolf: I have a girlfriend?
God: not anymore.
Wolf: because the moon-
God: -stole her yes.
Wolf: I hate the moon.
God: I know.
Wolf: I just miss her so much.
God: let it out.
Wolf: [takes a deep breath]
You take the garbage out and forget to put a new liner in the kitchen trash can and your family throws garbage in anyway because team work.
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ODIN: did you die in battle?
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ME: ya
Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.
YES MY CHILD
Great! Amway is the largest multi-level marketing company worldwide. Our products range
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ME: gimme two big macs fast, i gotta get home to pee
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me: are you asking me bc i look skinnier or because i changed my diet
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WOW THIS ONE TASTES LIKE WINE TOO. I’M LIKE 5 FOR 5 NOW. KEEP ‘EM COMIN’!
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[date]
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janet: i’m a beekeeper
oy: hey give those ack