estão todos miauvindo?
You Might Also Like
me: [being abducted by aliens] i’m not going without my cat
my cat: [from inside spaceship] get in, loser. all cats are aliens
me: i knew it
Sometimes it’s fun to walk out of the ladies room licking your fingers.
Give a girl a fish & she’s like “are u retarded?” Teach a girl to fish & she’s all “i only invited u to my party cause our moms are friends”
A customer told me they were never coming back….
My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.
The quickest way to get a creationist to shut up is threatening to throw them off the edge of the earth.
PROSECUTOR: you chipped a golf ball down a clowns throat
ME: i honestly thought that was part of the course
When Squidward lost his job and had to stay with Spongebob and he tried to tell Spongebob the TV didn’t work n Spongebob said THAT’S TWO THINGS THAT DON’T WORK 😭😭😭😭
Taking my dog out in below zero weather brings one thought to mind. I should have gotten a cat.
The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.
Me: *sends myself a reminder text about an appointment*
Phone: *ding*
Me: Ooh, who’s texting me?
No, you typed your password instead of the amount in the payment window.
I like going to the cemetery early in the morning because, if you’re calm and patient, the skeletons will approach and even eat right out of your hand.
My girlfriend said Valentine’s Day is really important to her so I can’t wait to see what she has planned for us
Cashier: You just have to tap your credit card.
Me: *cautiously taps*
Cashier: Not against my forehead.
I’m the master at playing ‘The floor is lava’
*Lies on the couch*
You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.
Rare footage of my parents on their way to school.
I’m just over here waiting for my 1st Richard pic.
crazy
Where have you been all my life? Please go back there.
“You make your own luck!”
– Lucky People
Me: I just love dancing naked in summer rain!
Neighbour: that’s it, I’m turning the sprinkler off right now!
Imagine falling in love with someone and then they make a chicken pot pie without a bottom crust.
quick poll: why’d you break up with me in high school Alison
Well well well, if isn’t the girl who gave me cooties in third grade…
News Reporter: …and once again Spider-Man saves the day. This city would be nothing without our amazing hero.
Drunk Radioactive spider: *throws bottle at TV* I MADE HIM!!!
parenting hack: take your kids to the park then just leave them there. start a new life. be you. enjoy traveling again. make new friends that don’t care what color the cup or bowl is. you don’t need that negativity in your life. be free.
There was an episode of the Flintstones where a mechanic worked on Fred’s car HEY FRED YOURE GETTING RIPPED OFF THERE IS NO ENGINE IN THERE
Why do we never see “Side effects may include spontaneous happiness, explosive giggling, uncontrollable hugging, and diarrhea”?