Whatever happened to Lindsay Lohan’s twin sister?
Haven’t seen or heard anything from her since Parent Trap
You Might Also Like
When I was a kid my family was so poor my parents were forced to give my imaginary friend up for adoption.
A big storm is coming & everyone’s buying bread, milk, and eggs. Apparently you battle bad weather with French Toast.
I got this “breathe” tattoo on my wrist because I don’t have a central nervous system and it’s a helpful reminder.
I wear workout clothes to get Burger King breakfast so the drive thru lady thinks I worked out first. Dont be afraid to live your best life.
I just spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to spell Wednesday, so I canceled the event.
You’ve just gotta remember, some things don’t work out so you can make room for the things that will.
If both don’t work out…eat a cake.
I came.
I saw.
I lost a banana.
I promised my kids a genuine New Year’s party: I’ll be putting on my biggest earrings and nicest sweat pants standing on a chair in the kitchen and dropping a ball on their heads
It was when he said no nunchucks in the kitchen that I knew our relationship was doomed
Sharks are so misunderstood. They ONLY eat people’s legs because they want you to transform into a mermaid and be friends with them.
We have a winner.
The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.
reduce, reuse, recycle
DATE: {seductively} What’s your type?
ME: {seductively} One sec.
[2 minutes later]
ME: Ok yeah, love you, no I’m on a date, mom she’s the one trust me, thanks again, ok bye. {turns to date} She said B positive.
Grocery guy here with a reminder…
You don’t “un-thaw” things from the freezer. You “thaw” them. Un-thaw would be freezing it😒
My clothes don’t fit anymore.
There’s only one possibly explanation.
America is shrinking my clothes.
Overweight people know they’re overweight, tall people know they’re tall, why is it that stupid people don’t know what they are?
People always tell you that you’ll blink and your kids will grow up suddenly
How many times do I have to blink before they let me pee alone?
I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender for dessert tonight, so yeah-I juice.
Life Tip: If you get a bunch of tattoos people will never ask you to babysit.
coworker: look at my baby
me: wats his name
coworker: jeremy
me: how do u kno
coworker: we named him jeremy
me: wat if he already had a name
*adds alone time to my Amazon wishlist*
Her: I’m not wearing underwear
Me: good thing I brought extra
I backed my car into my husband’s car once when we were dating and for 25 years he’s not parked behind me.
Dear animals who hide from humans, I get it.
[Walks in on girlfriend on death bed]
ME: [Crying] this can’t be happening
GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me
Spoiler alert: The people who can’t believe your kid is in Kindergarten already won’t be able to believe they’re in any grade, any year ever
an intruder breaks into our home. he goes for the knife drawer but I’m standing in the way. he moves to another drawer but there I am again. my wife nods.
Welcome to your fifties, Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine and chicken noodle soup.